My journey from neo-nazism to Islam

I promised my brothers and sisters in Islam (on the Islamic Forum) that I would tell my story on how I came to Islam….so I am upholding my promise insha’allah.
Before I came to Islam I always had an interest in various religions thus leading me to study and practice many of them. I looked into Christianity, Mormonism, Wicca, Satanism, Voodoo…just to name a few.
I grew up all over the world so I was exposed to many different cultures and traditions. I am not sure exactly how I came into neo-nazism but I do remember that I was 15 and I woke up one morning and something snapped inside of me henceforth, my destructive journey down a mountain of nails began. After a short period of time, I ended being recruited into the Hammerskins, which are an elite group of skinheads who are more violent and even more in-tuned with their hatred of discourse. I was not raised around racism nor were my parents racists, even though I grew up hearing that people should stay with their own kind with regards to relationships. I didn’t grow up in a religious household even though I was baptized roman catholic and had my first communion when I around 7. I was raised in a disciplined home where my father was in U.S. Special Forces (green berets).

I went to bed one night in January of this year (2008) and before I fell asleep I asked God “If I am on the right path then please show me a sign.” the reasoning behind the question was due in part to the rocky marriage I was in and we were in search of a church. The dream I had that night went as follows:

I remember scaling over and then down a wall with other people and when I reached the bottom, a flash came about and I was in the position of sujood (prostrating) whereas my face was to the ground and I looked to my left in this position and stared into the eyes of a man whom was of middle-eastern descent. A flash came about and I was about 30 ft from the wall just gazing upon it. I recognized this wall because it was the waling wall (western wall) in Jerusalem. Then I saw this figure standing at the base of the wall approaching me. It was shrouded in black as a Muslimah would be wearing a burka. It got directly in front of me…bowed down and when it came up…it was Isa (Jesus) (as). but it was as if it was an animated version of his face….like a cartoon character….I mean no offense by this. But Isa(as) had the haircut like a monk would have and a beard both of the reddish color. Isa(as) stepped back and spread his arms and said “I am all in the same.” When I woke, it was if my heart had been turned into butter and the feeling that plagued my heart and mind for so long was gone, as if I was a newborn child. I didn’t tell anyone because I was afraid they would think I was nuts. I automatically assumed since I saw Isa(as) it meant that Christianity was the right path.

So I found a great church to go to the next day, which was a Saturday. The same night I asked God again “If this is the right place for me to go, then show me a sign again.” That night a dream came to me and it was flashing images of churches, mosques, temples, synagogues, etc. When it stopped, I was standing in a white room and people were sitting on the floor in front of me but I couldn’t see them because they were all blurry, and then I woke up. I interpreted that as it doesn’t matter where you worship, the important thing is that you do worship. It wasn’t until June of this year that I spoke with a Muslim sister that I knew from the internet…and I explained for the first time my dream and she asked “why were there Muslims in your dream” I can only guess that she got this from the more detailed information I gave her and the position of prayer I was in. and I said “I don’t know.” she said that Isa(as) was a Muslim and so was Ibrahim(as) and Musa(as). And that’s when it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw Isa(as) and I automatically assumed that Christianity was the answer but at that moment I realized that I focused on him and I didn’t look at the surroundings…thus being the people and how they dressed and so on.

I was a wrestling fanatic for 25 years and that day I stopped and I can’t explain why. I stopped listening to music as if it were just a natural thing to do.

I learned Islam backwards, starting with the political aspects as well as the sectarian side. When I first dove into Islam, I began to learn under certain learned people via the internet. The majority where Salafis. And now I am confronted with a plague from those teachings. In the beginning I was taught that Shias were deviants and to avoid them as much as possible (as well as any other sects or religions other than Sunnis/Salafis). I studied under great names such as Yasir Qadhi, Abu Khadeejah Abdul Waheed, Feiz Muhammad and a few others. As time progressed, I began to learn under Abdal Hakim Murad, Siraj Wahhaj, Mokthar Maghroui, Zakir Naik and so on.

My first trip to a masjid (mosque) was awkward. The first time I prayed with other Muslims all I could concentrate on what that one was Hanafi and another Shafi just by the way they prayed. That goes along with the racial epithets that still plague my mind. In other trips to the masjid and others, the first thing I would notice was that I was the only white guy there instead of seeing my brothers and sisters in Islam. But sure enough I am getting over that and as time passes and my knowledge grows, the less I am confronted with these evil whispers.

Well, that is my story in a nutshell….I hope that this will satisfy those I promised. Allah(swt) saved my life in more ways than one and if I can change, anyone can change...